beneath the surface.

Deep thoughts rummaged in my head...
The What ifs?
The What will happen next?
The How will it affect me?

crap... it affects me darn so much right now that I cry almost everyday..

But do I cry that much?

Who knows?

I don't even know...

All I know is that this shitty life I'm living right now, i wish, was all a dream... But heck, I'm a down-to-reality kind of person and i really am feeling LOW.. dammet! yes that LOW!!!..

beneath the surface even!!

As of now, I'm officially dead!!!

This whole thing--this,this problem--should I even call it a problem?! What the #*(%j, well, whatever it is, it is pure bull!!!

i know i don't deserve this... we all don't deserve this kind of shit!! And to think that I've been helping others find their way, I can't even help myself to face this whatever the heck it is called..!!!

I just wish that all of "it"--and I mean all of "it" are just some crazy test GOD wants us to take... And I'm sure that whatever test it is, I'm sure that we'll pass that and that GOD won't take someone or something very important and special to me... and my family!