hate post..letter whatever you call this..

Letter of Regret.

I know you've had feelings for me. I know that you liked me. I know that you know we could have had something special...

But you were'nt true to your feelings and so I grew tired of waiting for you. For a year or so, I kept on waiting for something to be said and acted out, but nothing happened. And so, I grew tired of waiting for you. I know there was something inside you, telling you that I "could" be the one, but you weren't so sure of your feelings. ANd so, you shoved me away, afraid of what you'd feel for me. And, that hurt by the way--but I didn't cry. I did not cry at all. I guess, I've been so hurt before that I became immune to crying.

Anyway, I had a feeling of what you felt for me. I got a sense of what your feelings were for me, it was just that you were in constant denial. You weren't honest to yourself, so to speak. You act as though you were really interested in me, but when it was my turn to show my interest to you, you shoved me away. I don't understand you. You kept telling me you have a girlfriend---shoving me away... But you kept on texting me, sending me messages that tell you care for me and love me... That, made it more confusing...

Do you know how hard it was to wait for someone who's almost always unsure and is always in constant denial?

Do you know how hard it was to be left alone, after waiting and hoping for something to happen only to realize it was disaster in the end?

I hope you would understand me, for once, how I felt. It was hurt. You brought me pain. I thought, "Ah, maybe this is the one!", but then you left me hanging on to nothing--falling in love and crashing. It was not just the enraged hormones that made me write a hate post in my blog and mention your name and lambast you ---which I'm really sorry for-- but Those really were genuine feelings of hurt by a person, who I thought wouldn't hurt me (as far as I knew); and that person was you.

This, I gotta tell you... After writing that hate post--it was kind of a breath of fresh air... All those emotions of anger and the feeling of pain sort of went away. You could say, it was a relief. And at that moment, I knew I did the right thing. But part of me, said that it might hurt you--then I remembered all the things you did to me. The latter ruled the first one out. Anyway, now I'm really sorry for all that. I had to delete it and change it to this...

You know, somehow I wish you couldn't sleep at night because you are thinking of me.

Sometimes, I wish you're miserable for all the guilt you have in hurting me.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't too forward with you (although, I really don't think I'm too forward at all), so you'd just ignore me for all that I was.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't gave you those poems as it made me seem so desperate and that would make you care for me just because you pity me. I don't need pity at all... I need honesty.

These, I wish and think about at times, since I've been thinking and dreaming about the what-could-have-beens, if only you were honest.

In fact I remember the day you said you'd care for me; and the day we had the same favorite song. I was surprised that time since that same old song was the one I sang for the person who brought me so much pain. I did not expect it that the person who'll sing that to me, will eventually hurt me as well.

That day you said that you'd take care of me, seemed to be the wish I made come true--getting over the guy who I have loved after all years. But, I guess it couldn't and wouldn't be since you were so stuck-up and was more concerned concealing and denying your feelings for me. kamil lyon tolentino..

I still wish that those feelings would stay the same, even after all these years. I also wish that you are honest.

"Well, I've been thinking about you day and night. And I don't know if this
will work out right. But somehow, I think that it just might... If we try."

But then, you didn't.

You left me waiting and hoping for something I thought I'd achieve. You
walked away scared of what might be, leaving me alone, dreaming of you and
me...

-->You'll always be my baby.