BLOGSPOT officially closed.

As of this moment, I would like to take this opportunity to those who took their time in reading posts I've written--or typed in this blog... and also to those who took all efforts in writing me a comment--positive or negative.

I would also like to take this opportunity to let you all know that I will not be using this account as my blog anymore... As you can see the last post is almost three years ago and is kind of well, depressing, so to speak... But for my new blog.. my new regular blog...

please visit or just click on the link:
http://killersmile07.livejournal.com

It's still called "Beneath The Surface" but with a different blogsite.

I've written or post on it since August of 2005 and I have been using it on and off (since I also have this blog) until recently... when I figured out how to use and design it effectively... The truth is, however, I haven't designed it myself but just got a code from a friend--applied this and that; and voila! A new colorful blog...

This blog, unfortunately doesn't have any music on it unless I post a link or an html as one of my posts... Although I haven't tried posting a video from youtube. My LJ blog also doesn't have a widget or a tagboard... LJ unfortunately discourage the use of tagboards and applying music on their site... But I posted a link on my sidebar to access my tagboard... Unfortunately(again!) there hasn't been anyone who tagged in my tagboard yet and so I'm hoping for one person to tag and start talkin' coz I'm listening...

Okay, so there... as of now, I'm officially closing this site down but I'm leaving it as it is... for you to view or know what my new blog is all about as I left a link here in my last post... Yes, this will be my last post here in my friendster blog.

Again thanks to all!!!...

Me? Depressed trying to die?... NAH......

ARGH!!!....

Ever felt so Low?

As in super-duper Low... ?

And not just that...

Low and

ALONE?!...

Low and ALONE that it seems nobody's there to comfort you, be with you just for the company and not for the grades...?

Fuck it!

I'm crying this pain, this feeling of nausea, of pressure, of hurt, of sick, of being tired, of lonely... this depression....

New School. New Friends.

Yeah right... But friends who let you down... Who feels right to comfort you when they themselves are better-off?... And when they're not, they're the ones who'll forget you and focus on their pain...


LEAVING YOU BEHIND...

Sure, sure...

Haha..Hahaha... Hahahaha,,,,....


I just can't help the feeling of being sick...

*sick that I can't focus on my other majors because of this stupid groupwork I'm focusing on,that I, myself in the first place did not want.

*sick that I'm now failing my other subjects and my groupmates, particularly one of them, pressures me to concentrate on that groupwork because she's failing...


...HOW ABOUT ME?!?!?!?!?!....

Am I not failing?

Am I not doing good?

Fuck! In fact, you're doing a hell better than I am, and here I am focusing on this groupwork just because of you!!!...

ALL I HEAR FROM YOU IS "YOU"...




How about "ME"?!...

...Marcia.. Nice.. Remember?!...

...I am failing too!! And not just one subject but all subjects infact...


putang-inang buhay 'to...

...Makes me want to stop studying...


Can you feel that I'm depressed???...

...So depressed that I needed someone to talk to...??


But, as I've said, I'm alone-literally-in this school... That I just can't pour out my feelings--these bottled-up feelings--or, otherwise I'll go insane!!!...

FucK it!!!


Friend, where are you?

These raging feelings bottled-up inside me feels like their going to burst...pop-open rather...

And if I snap, who knows might happen...

Maybe I'll die...

Maybe I'll kill myself...








...just because of this...



And I know you would not want me to haunt your conscience knowing that it was "YOU" after all, who killed me...

I might as well die....

A possible interview with my lola's sister, Tia Becky for Jessica Soho's show, "Kapuso Mo, Jessica", is really a great opportunity and a great support for my resume if ever I enter the Media. But I referred somebody else.

University of Maryland in U.S. wants to use my published article in Ang Pahayagang Plaridel, "Biofuel...", for their research or something. They want to use it for their foreign language studies. But I declined.

I met Paul London, Jimmy Wang Yang, Idol Stevens, Ref. Charles all from WWE. I also met Batista, and got a kiss from him because I won a meet and greet.

I now have a videocam, a new cellphone, and a USB flash drive, not to mention a silver 1994 Toyota Corolla.

Looking back, I am blessed. But now, I feel like dying.

I hate my life.
I hate being stressed-out.
I hate being pressured. Pressured to do something which I tried my best to do but failed...

I'm now on the verge of nervous breakdown, as I'm really sure to fail this one major subject of mine.

My first failure...

And i hate failure!!!!


===============================================================================
In case you don't think that Communication Arts is hard... I'm telling you,,, it is really, really hard!!! Especially when it comes to majors... VIDPROD and INTRORE... argh...



















And i'm only in my second year....

name decoder

For Lolo Raffy

Lolo Raffy...

*a singer
*a songwriter
*an assistant director
*a father
*a brother
*a family
*a friend....

Rafael Verzosa, Tio Fael, my lolo Fael, as we call him, died last Feb. 12, 2007 (monday).

I don't know him that much but it pains me so much that i didn't know him while he was still here... I could've learned so many things from him, knowing that he was a director working with really famous people...

But I doubt that Lolo Raffy died a happy life... Lolo Raffy's first wife, Tia Yoli (sp?) and Tita Jelma(sp?), his 2nd wife have had this conflict and anger for each other for so long.... so long that when Lolo Raffy died, they even fought for the body... to whose house will be the burol...

Thanks to my lolas: Tia Linda, Tia Agnes, Tia Edna, Tia Percy, and Tio Otik; they were the ones who decided where the burol and the burial will be.... In Laspinas and Cavite...

Up to the Lolo Raffy's burol, I can feel the tension between the two wives.Tia Jelma talking badly about Tia Yoli regarding Lolo Raffy's burol--the problems they've had....

Tia Jelma, just can't hug Tia Yoli as Lolo Raffy's body is being lowered 6 feet below the ground...ARGH.... I did not cry during the last mass... I did not cry during the burol...I did not cry during the burial....

I cried everynight since Wednesday until last night for Lolo Raffy. I cried my anger for him that when everybody should be paying their respects, they are all trashtalking each other. That when the mass should be all about Lolo Fael, most who attended the mass were talking and texting--using their cellphones while the mass was going on!!!

I feel sad for Lolo Raffy...

.,.. that even when he was being buried, his two families cannot and would not reunite for him....

The Killers/ kilig factor attacks me!!

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside


I never...I never...I never...


You know how it is when you get kilig right?! The feeling is different...

My niece (who is older than me, btw) told me that when you're a lot older, kilig factor fades and what changes is the "lust"... Let me make this clearer...
In highschool, we always base our relationship in the kilig factor as I said. We always want that happy, bubbly feeling inside us... that feeling that always make us blush--make our cheeks pink rather, when we see our crushes, or say, "he looked pass my way" or "he smiled at me!"... Those thoughts, according to this niece of mine, fades as we grow older... And as we venture into our later teen years, after highschool, we begin to magsawa. The kilig feeling fades and it changes into lust...or sex...

She told me that, that is the next big step for a "mature relationship":to work... I disagree. I don't know but it doesn't make sense..If the kilig feeling fades, then sex should fade to... I mean if the kilig factor easily fades because of almost everyday-same-feeling to the point that it makes you puke, then sex might have the same effect. Lets face it, only the guys wants it and the girls are the ones who gets easily sawa with the mushiness of their boos. So, what the guy initiates is to take the next level... right?!

right.

I guess, I would never understand the idea of that being the basis of their relationship, ika nga niya, "'Yun na lang ang nagdadala sa relationship namin eh... You can't blame me. I also like it. 'Yung mga kilig-kilig na yan, nawawala yan pag tumatanda ka na..."

And I guess, only until i experienced it, then would i have understand... Maybe i would agree or still, I would disagree... They have their own opinions and so far, I have mine. I stick to it like the mightybond. super glue...

For me, it depends... I still get kilig... It's better than "lust"... I should say... Yes I've had my fantasies(I'm a virgin, I'm a virgin, mind you!!!!!), but i would prefer the kilig feeling...Maybe when I know I'm responsible enough to engage in that kind of act--when I'm financially stable, emotionally and spiritually prepared and when I've had my joys of single life.

In fact, kinikilig na ko ngayon kasi may nagbukas ng friendster profile ko whom i never expected to open it... damn... haha... si _ _ _ _ _ ....

It's so fun to have a not-so-serious crush... I like him.. I know him, but not personally... I haven't had the guts to talk to him in person.... I don't know if he had seen me in school, I hope he does... But him opening my profile and duh, if he opened it, it just means that he viewed my pics and read my profile... OMG.. this kilig feeling I sooo much miss....

I HATE YOUR GUTS...

There are lots of pea-brained people running around EARTH! And I'm really glad that I'm not one of those "peeps" that doesn't appreciate the things they have!!! I came across the blog of this person I know (I won't mention the name), who complained how her day was so tiring after following a mambabalut for 4 hours.

Yes, I agree it is tiring. But did you even consider how tired that man was? What I mean to say is, he did not complain about anything, and yet he was carrying that heavy load for more than 4 hours everyday!! While YOU complain about walking for 4 hours( I bet you were complaining in your thoughts!)... and you weren't carrying same load he has. You didn't want to experience the hardship the mambabalut is going through...

ARGH!! YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!!!.

Just because you're blessed, doesn't mean you have to cherish it all on your own...

Whatever happened to the saying, "SHARE YOUR BLESSINGS!"...

Demmet!! You only saw the negative things it did to you--how your feet hurt, how tired you were after the long walk... dammit!!!!!!

You make me sick!!!!

Kukai, your closet's inspired by the Moment






You're a fashion-forward girl who is not just up on the latest trends — you're very likely setting them. Whether you're rocking a '60s babydoll dress or an '80s skinny tie, you know how to mix and match like nobody's business. You always manage to make a look that's thoroughly modern and thoroughly you.Whether your style runs funky or chic, you're a natural leader who knows confidence is a look that never goes out of style. So whatever look you'll be rocking next — even a daring pair of cuffed shorts — you're sure to be leading the pack. With your creativity and cool, we can't wait to see what you'll come up with next. Awesome!

IT'S SO UNFAIR....

It's so unfair...

We just had our finals in INTROFI (Introduction to Film), which is why I studied really hard last night which went on until 2a.m.--which means, I only had 4hours of sleep...

well, because LITERA2 Finals was scheduled at 8:00am-10:00am...so I had to wake up at 6 to prepare and go to school... but demmet!!! TRAFFIC!!! so I was late... but i was still able to take the exam and did good on it! haha PERFECT SCORE!!! 100% correct!! and take note.. I didn't study...

THEN came INTROFI Finals... Once Sir Doy Del Mundo, handed out the papers and gave the signal to start answering the test, I answered all the questions that I know...only 10 questions left out of 75, and I'm done...Just then, Sir Doy paired us up for those who were having trouble answering the entire test. Unfortunately for me, I was paired with someone who didn't study!!! Yes, he knows some of the answers to the questions but I know I still didn't need him...why? Because sir Doy was giving out clues to the 2 enumeration questions--and once he gave it, I already know the answer... What I mean to say is, here I am studying 'till dawn for the finals to make up for the sablay interview I had with him, and here is this "partner" of mine who didn't study who just copied my answers--answers of which I'm sure of by the way--almost half of the questions he hadn't answered... Even the 3 areas/"world" of film making which was just recently discussed, he didn't even know and copied the answer from me... Yes, I might have taken some answers from him to but!!! BUT!!! Those were like 2-3 questions only and he took like more than 10 answers from me!! darn it!! IT'S REALLY REALLY UNFAIR... I wish I could've done it alone!! He doesn't deserve to have a high grade if he just copied most of his answers from me right?!

argh... I'm really really pissed off right now!!! He's obnoxious,, really, really obnoxious pa!!! Babagyuhin kayo sa yabang!! badTRIP!!!!!

Proof of STRESS

You knee slapper, you. You rib tickler. You chucklepatch! You're the type who thinks any situation can be funny if you have the right attitude. You laugh stressful things off to keep yourself happy, and you use your sense of humor to help other people do the same. As long as you don't point that humor hose at anyone who doesn't exactly appreciate it, your funny bone will serve you well.




You can simplify your life by cutting back at work

You're a career-oriented person who's not afraid to log some long hours to get the job done — and done right. Your peers admire your drive and creativity and nothing feels better than hearing your boss or clients compliment your work. But, you know, if you glance out a window for a minute, you'll notice that there's a whole world going on out there, and you just might be missing a lot of it.While it's great that you're so committed to your career, you've got to make sure you're not forgetting about friends, family, and fun. We know you've got bills to pay and goals to attain, but don't make work your whole life. And if you just can't figure out a way to scale back your hours, then at least make sure you're planning a nice vacation — without your laptop or cell phone.